so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i think my cat just said my name.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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