Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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