He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
