Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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