If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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