Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
