I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
