My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Boobs speak an international language.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Randomize
