Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
