Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
