Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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