I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
