i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
