i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
