it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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