If i come over, it means nothing
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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