That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
