we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
