you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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