I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
