Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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