i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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