were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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