is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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