Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
