Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
