I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
