i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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