i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
