meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I didn't notice because vodka
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
