Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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