I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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