My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
