Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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