Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
