She's JV to your varsity
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
