yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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