so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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