its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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