I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
