I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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