Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
