im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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