Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
