Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
