He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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