i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
