I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
