like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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