Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
