i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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